User:Alex

Jones was tazed shortly after this picture was taken of him, and to this day he has not fully recovered feeling in his left thigh.

Real Name:	Gryndelwald Jones
Current occupation:	Furious rapper, terrible editor
Current location:	Behind you!!! Ha ha!

Biography

Mr. Jones was born in 1971 in a very tiny shack in Xiangkhouang Province, Laos. After being awarded a scholarship for inventing the microwave oven during the Great Famine of 1975, when his village had nothing to eat but sacks of Orville Redenbacher delivered par avion by the United Nations, "Grynny," as he had become colloquially-internationally known for his endearing smile, traveled to the United Kingdom to study archaeology at Manchester University and unravel the mysteries behind Stonehenge. After 15 years of research he published what is considered to be his seminal work, Stonehenge: The Key (Lime) to an Ancient Enigma, a 1,291 page book in which he presented the now iconic theory of Stonehenge as a citrus farm. The book has sold 24.5 million copies to date.

The good times would not last, however. After six divorces and a depression-fueled spending binge caused by Princess Diana's untimely death, Jones was bankrupt. In search of inner peace, he traveled to India in 1998 and went on a spirit journey under the tutelage of the 14th Dalai Lama. He achieved enlightenment in 2003 and met his animal spirit guide, an anteater named Phil. Since then Phil has been the driving force behind everything Jones does.